Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Some Thoughts on the Mourning Process

The mourning process differs.  Many people "fall apart" after a death in the family while others take it very well.  I think it is much more difficult when the death is sudden and unexpected especially when a younger person dies.

Mom's death was a slow process that I thought began when she voluntarily moved to an assisted living facility in 2010.  She realized that should could no longer live on her own.  The biggest step in her demise was her first fall in 2011.  I really thought that this was the beginning of the end, but after a long recovery she pulled through.  After that time there were smaller setbacks, but again she recovered.  The big blow came two weeks ago when she fell in her assisted living facility.  She started to recover after a major operation, but succumbed to complications.  In a sense it was a relief since Mom would no longer suffer.  If she had recovered, her quality of life would have been poor.

Over the past week I had stayed home observing a modified shiva, the Jewish mourning process.  I am quite pleased that I received over 150 condolences via Facebook or email.  I guess I can describe the messages as "virtual shiva calls."  I appreciate every one of them.  I even received messages from people I never met and from those I hadn't seen in years.

Very often a death in the family can lead to a reunion of long lost relatives.  I was quite hurt when two first cousins phoned my sister to offer condolences, but not me.  I phoned cousin JS about two years ago after his mother, my aunt, was killed in a tragic car accident.  Why couldn't he call me?  All I can say is "If you treat me like a stranger, I'll treat you like a stranger back."

Let me conclude this entry with the Sunday Will Never be the Same by Spanky and Our Gang.  For the last 4 1/2 I visited Mom once a week, usually on Sunday.  Now since she is gone, Sunday will never be the same.  However the song refers to a couple that has split.

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