About a
year after Karen passed away, I started to think about returning to
dating. There were two basic issues:
- ·
Finding
someone
- ·
Will
a date become a relationship, and then something serious
I dreaded
those miserable singles dances back in the late 60s and 70s. We jokingly called them “meat markets” where
the meat was kosher. I met several young
ladies at dances back then.
First
dates were often difficult for me as I had trouble initiating a conversation
with a new person. Sometimes, I thought
a first date went well, but when I asked for a second date the young lady would
reply “I’m busy.” Other times a
relationship would fizzle out after a few dates.
I was
reluctant to face those issues decades later.
In 2023 I dabbled with dating apps.
I had a Facetime chat with one woman, but I decided not to pursue it.
Very
recently, I decided to try dating apps again.
I thought it would be nice to have some female companionship four years
after I lost Karen. I signed up with
JDate a service for Jewish singles. I
decided to sign up for just one month to see if it was worth it. I filled out the questionnaire and posted my
profile. I stated I only wanted matches
25 miles or less from home. Most of the
matches were from places such as Massachusetts, Maryland, and Virginia, more
than 200 miles away. I contacted a few
from NYC, but they never responded. That
is fair game.
For the
next three weeks I got no new matches and thought of cancelling my membership
at the end of the month. All of a sudden I
got a slew of potential matches, including New Jersey and Long Island. I thought to myself, do I really want to
travel a long distance for a date? I am
not desperate to find someone. I
remember in 1969 when I had a date in the Bronx, my father remarked, aren’t
there enough girls in Queens. That date
didn’t work out anyway.
I did
connect with a woman named Joan whose profile said she was in NYC. We started to chat within the dating app for
a while and then she asked for my email and suggested we communicate that
way. A little while later, her JDate
profile disappeared.
In one of
her emails, she said:
I value
sincerity, and I'm seeking a genuine, romantic, and fulfilling relationship. I
am down-to-earth, honest, non-judgmental, and giving in my relationships and
intimacy. My heart is big, and my personality is warm and caring. I’m someone
who truly wants to experience love in its fullest sense. I am sociable,
outgoing, and well-balanced in my life. My character is grounded in the belief
of giving everyone a fair chance.
After a
few more emails I suggested we have a video chat or meet at a neutral location
for a face-to-face meeting. Her
response:
As for
meeting in person, I appreciate your suggestion about a neutral location.
That's a good point! I live in Ocala Florida . Since you live in
Flushing, Queens, if we're both comfortable with traveling, we could
potentially meet somewhere in the middle or a place that's convenient for both
of us
I think
this qualifies for an “Oy Vey.” She said
she values sincerity, but why did she say in her profile that she was in NYC
while she actually lives in Florida. Am
I really going to travel to Florida to meet a woman?
This was
her last communication with me:
Let's
discuss the video chat over the next weekend but we can continue sharing
emails and see how that goes. If we both feel comfortable, we can then
plan an in-person meeting at a neutral spot. What are your thoughts on this
approach?
I decided
to stop communicating with her. Long-distance relationships rarely work out, especially when they begin as a long-distance
situation. If she sends me an email, I’ll politely say that this won't work out.
I also
decided to end my subscription to JDate since it was creating too much anxiety
for me.
My nephew
in California met his wife through JDate, so dating apps do work.
